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The message we send to kids upon getting a divorce

Divorce is never easy and coming to the realization that the two of you have grown apart and have gone in different directions can be startling. It really doesn't matter if it is a day after the wedding or years down the road after you have had children. You thought this was just a faze, like the seven year itch, but after talking it over with friends or seeking counseling, you come to know deep down that this marriage is headed for an ending. You may have even tried to stick it out for the sake of the children, or you use the excuse that ending the marriage would also be good for the kids.

Ending your marriage is a matter of perspective. The question isn't if you will end in divorce court but when will it be the right time to get a divorce for the children? This is a hard question to answer. Do you subject the kids to a toxic, unloving environment and stick it out until they graduate from high school? This can be difficult if you have a large age gap between the oldest and the youngest. While one is graduating from high school the other one is just entering elementary school.

Sometimes, people justify the divorce by saying that it is better when the kids are younger and don't take what is going on around them so seriously. Another idea is that if the children have always grown up in two households, they won't know any differently. Another person says that they can't live a lie and they want their kids to grow up in a truly loving environment.

All of these reasons are good. They put the kids first and they all see divorce from the perspective of the child. Whatever your reason, you must be true to your inner self and knowing that you are getting a divorce will help you know what message you need to give your children when the time comes.

Source: The Huffington Post, "When Is the Right Time to Divorce When You Have Children? Join the Conversation!," Diane L. Danois, Oct. 16, 2015

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