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Getting over a divorce is not easy but it is doable

There comes a time in every divorce when the judge says that it is ordered and the marriage ends officially. There are some things you really need to do to maintain your health and peace of mind after the divorce is final. Some of these follow.

Doing a good deed daily will make you focus on something other than yourself and bring you to a better place in your mind. It can be simple, like telling someone he or she looks nice or as much as volunteering somewhere.

Along these lines, you need to also stop feeling sorry for yourself. Knowing that your worst day is someone else's best day can help. Just telling yourself to stop the pity party may jolt you enough to get you through the day.

You need to rein in the anger that you feel toward your ex-spouse. Being angry doesn't do you any good and will ruin your peace of mind. Your spouse will not even be affected by your ongoing anger so you might as well let it go.

The next step is to be grateful. Instead of going over and over what you lost, look at what you have. You have a roof over your head and food in the kitchen. You have friends and family. Be grateful! If you need to, make a list of all you have and read it as often as you need to in order to get to a better place in your head.

Put your children ahead of yourself. Unloading on them is a negative and unproductive response to divorce. They only want to know that you love them and will be there for them as long as you are their parent, which is for your entire life. You can be truthful without taking them on a roller coaster ride of where you and your spouse went wrong.

Do what is good and right. Put others before yourself and get off your pity pot as much as you can. Divorce is always a wrenching affair. You may need to count your blessings more than once a day.

Source: The Huffington Post, "The 10 Decrees of Divorce Survival," Shari Lifland, July 24, 2015

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